This is the first article in a series of posts aimed at sharing what it's like, emotionally, to be the founder of an early-stage startup. You can read the introduction to the series here.

Talking to your users is one of the most awkward activities you have to do as an entrepreneur, but it's also one of the most important ones. And the most rewarding.

There are incredible resources available¹ on how to interview customers. This text isn't about that. Instead, I want to focus on the different feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant, that come up for me as I speak to Feelmo users and how I've learnt to handle them.

Briefly, why is talking to users so important? As a founder you need to verify that what you are building is something that someone actually wants. Talking to them doesn't merely mean asking them what they want, as Henry Ford's often quoted adage goes, if he had asked people what they wanted, they would have said a faster horse. Talking to users is about figuring out what problems your users have and understanding if your solution addresses them. Ford's respondents at the turn of the century wanted a faster horse because they want to get where they were going faster. They had no clue that something like a car existed, or even could exist. Your job is to hear that the problem they want to solve is getting somewhere fast, not that horses are too slow.

First the pleasant feelings

The three main pleasant feelings that come to mind as I reflect on my interviews are:

• Grateful: Every time I receive some feedback or have a conversation with a user I feel so incredibly grateful that someone, somewhere has taken the time to, not only use a product that I've created, but also to share their thoughts on it. Last Friday evening I spoke to an elderly woman who uses Feelmo with her husband to help them communicate better. Words can't express how gratifying it is to hear how Feelmo is helping her husband communicate his feelings for the first time.
• Excited: Talking to users is exciting! These are the people who have found your product and (usually!) like it so much that they're willing to tell you how it can be better. They've found your solution and are applying it to solve a real problem in their lives. They have ideas for how your product can be improved, how it can be simplified, how you can grow and a whole lot of other ideas! Not all of them are great, that's your job to determine, but they have most of the answers you're looking for.
• Reinvigorated: Ultimately, speaking to your customers is extremely motivating. It reminds you why you spend day and night building your startup. These people are willing to speak with you because they have a problem that they need solving. What you have so far may be part of the solution, they want to help you and encourage you to do the rest.

It's not all warm and fuzzy, unfortunately

Speaking to users is also nerve-wracking, terrifying and awkward.

• Angsty: It's uncomfortable as hell! Who is this person? What if they say your idea sucks? What if they question why you're doing this? Your startup probably feels like your baby and these strangers are judging and comparing it to fully-formed alternatives. For the most part people are quite nice (if they really don't like you or your product, they probably wouldn't have taken the meeting) but convincing your anxious mind is easier said than done.
• Awkward: Meeting new people, at least for me, always brings with it strong emotions of awkwardness, and Zoom only make it more so: you're beamed into a stranger's home with little information on who they are, sometimes you don't even know where in the world they live. Patchy WiFi and webcams of varying quality make it more difficult to connect, read their body language and instead only makes what is ordinarily a slightly awkward experience a very awkward one.
• Confused: People are confusing, as is their feedback. They don't always know what they want, they often struggle explaining and describing it and definitely have conflicting thoughts. Structuring your interview well, asking open-ended questions and organizing your responses can help you get the results you need, but don't expect 100% certainty or clarity.
• Frustrated: Reaching people is also frustrating. Get used to no show's and last minute cancellations. Not to mention struggling finding enough people who want to speak with you, especially those who are less satisfied.

What can you do about it?

Practice will shake many of these unpleasant feelings, but I doubt they'll ever fully leave you. Here are some tips I've picked up along the way that have helped me.

Needless to say, prepare for your interviews. Other articles can help you structure your interview, tell you how you should ask your questions and so on, but being prepared, knowing what you want to get out of the interview and what questions you want to ask (and why), are in your control. Writing down your questions and going over them ahead of the meeting will help you feel more calm. If you feel nervous or worried, ground yourself with a brief meditation or a quick breathing exercise (I use Feelmo's, of course!). I definitely don't recommend, as I was doing, scrolling through Twitter as you wait for your interviewee to log on as it'll only make you feel more anxious.

Record the interview (with permission!), or ask a colleague to sit in to take notes, so you can focus on the conversation and don't have to juggle listening, thinking, asking and taking notes. Remember, your job is to steer the conversation with a few questions and to listen. Let the interviewee do most of the talking. Do not give in to your anxiety and fill any silence with your blabbering.

Lastly, close with a positive, human experience. Check-in with the person and see how they felt the conversation went and if they have anything else they want to share. You represent your company so you want them coming away feeling heard and with positive associations to your work.

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I hope this helps you go into your interviews feeling a little bit more confident, or at least more prepared. Let me know if I missed any feelings or if you have any other tips for managing the emotional load of interviewing better. Say hello!: markus@feelmo.com or @mahlb on Twitter.

Notes
1) Might I recommend Marty Cagan's book Inspired: How to Create Tech Products Customers Love, watch Eric Migicovsky (YC Partner and founder of Pebble) share his thoughts on How to Talk to Users or Emmett Shear, founder of Justin.TV and Twitch talk about How to Run a User Interview.

Thank you Christin Hume for the picture.